Wedding parties don't look like they used to — and that's a good thing! Gone are the days when a lineup of groomsmen and bridesmaids had to match evenly on both sides, or when men stood on one side and women on the other by default. Engaged couples today are throwing out the rulebook and building wedding parties as unique as their relationships — so let's get into how you can do the same.

Your wedding party is your personal choice. It's a VIP section of your life (but that doesn't mean anyone left out of the wedding party matters less). The people you choose should be there because of your relationship with them, not because you need to balance sides or make a lineup look a certain way in photos. If matching sides is genuinely the look you want, go for it — it's your wedding. But you're not obligated to build your wedding party around anyone else's expectations of what it's supposed to look like.

In my own weddings, I've seen just about every version of this. I've had "bride's people" instead of bridesmaids and "groom's people" instead of groomsmen. I've coordinated weddings with no wedding party at all. I've had a woman stand as best man and a man stand as maid of honor. I've had women in suits standing beside the couple. I've had uneven lineups — more bridesmaids than groomsmen, or the reverse — and it was never a big deal to anyone actually there. I've even had a dog serve as flower girl, sitting right alongside the couple during the ceremony. None of it needed to look traditional to feel exactly right for the people getting married!

Talk it Out
If you and your partner are working through disagreements — with each other or with family — about who's in your wedding party, start the conversation between the two of you first. What does your relationship history actually look like? Who are your people now? How do the relationships you built before you became a couple deserve to be honored on this day? Those people helped shape who you are. At the end of the day, this wedding is about the two of you joining your lives together — the wedding party should reflect that, not outside expectations of what it's supposed to look like.

A Little Less Drama...Maybe?

Wedding planning is stressful enough without wedding-party politics piled on top. There are endless stories of relationships strained over who's included, or over unmet expectations about what being "in the wedding party" means. Sometimes, creating wedding party with mixed genders on either side, or even just one witness per person, can actually lower the emotional temperature around the wedding party or the wedding day, rather than raise it. When you feel obligated to include this person or that person to make each side of your wedding party even, or to please your family, it can create more problems than tranquility. Letting go of the obligation to make things even or please everyone tends to create a more relaxed day — and a wedding day you actually get to enjoy, rather than manage.

Looking Good

Worried about how it'll photograph? That's a conversation for your photographer, not a reason to force a traditional lineup! A good photographer makes any wedding party look great, uneven numbers and all — and the variety often makes for more genuine, more interesting photos than a perfectly matched line ever would.

Walking Down the Aisle

This is where your coordinator can really shine - instead of focusing on making the numbers work, we can build a processional that celebrates each person's role. Two close friends of the same gender can walk together down the aisle. A flower girl or ring bearer can walk with a parent who's already in the wedding party. If you have outgoing, funny members of your wedding party, why not plan something that highlights their humor, like a flower guy? Someone can walk down solo, too! If you're including a pet, someone can walk them down to join the couple. The options are wide open — the goal is celebrating the people who matter to you, not fitting them into a formula.

Lastly, I want to mention that creating changes to your wedding party from the beginning can serve as a microcosm for other changes and less tradition on your big day. It reflects the push and pull between adhering to tradition and forging an authentic path for what will be the start of your marriage. The ultimate choice is YOURS, and it's a personal one that should be made with the understanding that traditions can be respected or rewritten to suit your narrative.

The support and understanding of your wedding party, family and friends are crucial in ensuring that the wedding reflects the couple at its center. After all, it's the unity of two people that lies at the heart of any wedding ceremony!

Read other articles about weddings, wedding planning and being a wedding coordinator on my blog here.

I can help you build a wedding party — and a wedding day — that reflects you and your future spouse's life together, through my coordination services throughout the state of Oregon. Just scroll up to the top and click the Inquire Here button, or click here to learn about my wedding services.